A year ago this week I was involved in a car accident, and even though I walked away from it, my life has not been the same.
First of all, there is pain. Lots of pain. I have nerve damage that goes from my neck all the way down my left side. It gets worse by the week and right now it is at an all time high. I have tried medication, chiropractic care and many other things for pain relief. Nothing is touching it. Distraction and denial seem to work best.
I am left handed, which increases the frequency of pain since this is mostly on my left side. I am also a secretary, so every time I type or write, the intensity of my pain shoots up. Most days it is all I can do to get through a day of work.
Spinal surgery is my best option. However, I am stuck in the cogs of the legal system and an insurance nightmare that is prolonging when I can have the surgery. I had hope for a possibility that my surgery could happen soon, but that hope was dashed last week.
And there it is. I have been placing my hope for my future in a surgery that may or may not happen, and may or may not work. God showed me this week that I have not been placing my hope in Him. It has been a sobering lesson.
I am slowly, but surely, coming to terms with being okay that this is where God has me. And I am learning that I need to glorify Him, no matter what. No matter what my pain level, no matter if I will ever be able to have surgery, no matter how all of this affects my every day life, I need to praise Him for what He is doing in my life through it all. I need to rely on God and not man for what my future holds.